Things that Kill You At Sea - Dangerous Animals
01-04-15
“There are endless things in the world that can bring you to harm - spiders, snakes, cliffs, elevators. But most of the time it’s the chair you’re sitting on that will do for you.”
Look at these Vicious Mutts!
Rockpool to Deadpool
In the original marvel comics, the superhero Deadpool got his name because other mercenaries ran a betting pool on how long he’d last before something killed him. Mention you’re sailing around the world and people will do the same thing to you. They’ll nod gravely and ask you about storms, pirates and sharks, like they’re morbidly assessing your chances of survival against such adversaries and quietly weighing up the odds behind your back.
I could dedicate this whole section on how to avoid these perceived dangers but the the truth is, storms, pirates, or sharks almost never hurt cruisers (almost). Storms can be avoided with a half-decent weather app and sensible planning, pirates are rare outside the same handful of hotspots, and you’re famously more likely to be killed by a falling coconut in the tropics than a shark.
In the tropics you’re famously more likely to be killed by a falling coconut than a shark. Rainbow Reef, Fiji
No, the things that actually hurt and sometimes kill cruisers are a lot more mundane, and a hell of a lot closer to shore. And seeing as we’ve looked at bugs and pests on sailboats in a previous section, how about we turn our attention to those pesky critters that can make life a misery off the boat too?
The Truth about Sharks
We’ve swum with all manner of sharks, fed them, and even had a six foot bull shark leap clear of the water right next to our dinghy in Australia. I don’t know who jumped higher!
Darry was chased back to the dinghy by a reef shark in the San Blas Islands while spearfishing after ignoring the cardinal rule to always return your catch to the boat as soon as you’ve got it. The boat was then repeatedly head butted in the early hours by a school of sharks when he decided to hang the catch over the sugar scoop to prevent the blood dripping onto the deck overnight, reasoning Mum’s indignation was more frightening than the sharks.
Sharks are only really interested in dead or dying fish - Fakarava, French Polynesia
Sharks are only really interested in dead or dying fish so if you can avoid a dead fish scenario, chances are you’ll be fine. Interestingly some sharks have even been known to be attracted by the sound of a speargun being fired so I guess the lesson here is, don’t sound the dinner bell.
Reservoir Dogs on the Quay
So forget sharks. Forget crocs. Forget venomous spiders or even snakes. The most dangerous creatures we’ve encountered are semi-domesticated dogs. The sort that look cute from a distance, wag their tails, and then go full Cujo the moment you turn your back. And you’ll encounter these slavering mutts the world over.
Every one of our kids has been attacked by dogs. In Greece, Yewan was dragged off his bike by a pack while riding along a road in Lefkada. I chased them off with a big stick before they did any real damage, then reported it to the local police who merely shrugged like it was an every day occurrence. In the UK there’d have been a media storm, followed by protests for stricter dog control, then counter-protests by dog lovers, then a parliamentary enquiry into whether children should really be allowed to ride bikes so provocatively in front of dogs. And, naturally, nothing would get done.
The most dangerous creatures we’ve encountered are semi-domesticated dogs - Tunisia
Greek officials, however, spare themselves the charade. Whether it’s dogs or the baffling and costly clearing-in procedure, they just light a cigarette and skip straight to the bit where precisely nothing constructive happens and no-body gives a damn. Don’t get me started.
So don’t rely on anything other than your own perspicacity to keep yourself and your kids out of harm’s way. That and a huge stick of course. It also works with monkeys. Yes, we’ve even been harassed by those buggers too. Darry in Gibraltar and me in Indonesia. There’s a well-known Chinese idiom: “kill the chicken to scare the monkey” but, on balance we decided that was not a practical method of deterrent. Stick to sticks.
Which Brings me Neatly on to Rabies.
Still common in parts of Asia, Africa, and even South America. You don’t even need a bite. A lick or scratch is enough. A British woman died when we were in the med after being scratched by a puppy in Morocco. And as I’ve already mentioned, I got bitten by a boatyard dog in Tunisia and later discovered the whole pack was shot after they tested positive.
Darry having an encounter with a monkey - Gibraltar
Despite these concerted efforts by bats, dogs and monkeys, by some miracle we somehow managed to avoid contracting rabies. But seriously, if I had one overriding safety tip, it would be to train your kid to not approach cat and dogs in foreign countries. Did I mention a big stick? Of course I did. Get them to walk with confidence and carry one too.
Deadly Stingers
Australia and parts of South East Asia have a bit of a reputation: the spiders, snakes, crocs, sharks and even the plants seem hell-bent on killing you. But the jellyfish take it to another level. Box jellyfish and their smaller but nastier cousins, Irukandji, don’t make a big song and dance about killing you, they just float there invisibly until you brush past. Then you’re suddenly in a race against the clock.
The first time we went to an Aussie beach I of course expected warnings signs for shark and croc. However, there was also a helpful table showing how long you had to get to hospital before you died from innumerable types of ‘stinger’ encounters.
A beach sign in Queensland, Australia warns of Stingers, Crocodiles and Sharks
The slightly comforting news is that they’re seasonal, and the locals know when to stay out of the water. Stinger suits might make you look like a badly dressed novelty condom, but they do the job.
The Deathly Shallows
So maybe just go for a safe little paddle, right? Wrong. Wade into Voldemort’s little rock pools and you’ll quickly learn the real killers are often hiding only ankle deep. Reef shoes aren’t a fashion statement, they’re essential kit. Step on one of these shallow-water buggers barefoot and you’ll instantly discover just how many spines and how much venom you can take.
I’m not just talking about urchins. Cone shells look like harmless souvenirs, but inside lurks a creature with a venomous harpoon tooth. In the Pacific they call them “cigarette shells” because if you get stung, you’ve only got time for one last fag. And just to be clear, that’s UK slang for a cigarette. If you’re American, calm down. Though frankly, if you’re about to cark it from a shell sting, I’m not going to begrudge a dying man his last request, whatever proclivities he has.
Darry thrilled at his discovery of an innocent looking but deadly cone shell - Indonesia
Then there are stonefish. Indistinguishable from lumps of coral until you stand on one. And on the other end of the camouflage spectrum is the blue-ringed octopus. It might be an Instagram diva until you learn that its bite can shut down your lungs in minutes. And as such, you don’t even get chance to enjoy that last fag.
Sometimes it’s the most ordinary hazards that get you. In Fiji’s Blue Lagoon I once sliced my foot open on an oyster shell while merely strolling along the beach. It seemed trivial at first, but it got infected, swelled, and left me painfully hobbled for weeks. That’s when I first heard of Vibrio vulnificus, a “flesh-eating” bacterium found in warm waters and concentrated in oysters and shellfish. It sneaks in through the tiniest cut and, in vulnerable people, has a mortality rate as high as 20–50 %. Luckily I had rum which, as any slaty sea dog will tell you, is efficacious in every way.
I sliced my foot on an oyster shell - it then swelled got infected, and left me painfully hobbled for weeks
So, reef shoes and sandals might not look glamorous, especially when paired with a condom-style stinger suit combo, but the best medical insurance isn’t always paperwork. Sometimes it’s just clothing. There’s a saying at sea that there’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing. And sometimes the right clothing can also spare you the indignity of being taken out by the local seafood special too.
Reef shoes and sandals are essential clothing, even when paddling in the shallows
Snake Spotting
Hold on, we’re not out of the shallows yet.
I know it’s a cliché, but most wild animals are more scared of you than you are of them. Even the black-and-white striped banded sea krait. It’s one of the most venomous snakes on the planet, so you can imagine the brouhaha when we were stepping ashore in Indonesia and one slithered under the dinghy.
The truth is they’re about as aggressive as a vegan at a barbecue. Their mouths are so small they struggle to get a grip on anything bigger than a breadstick, and they’re really not interested in you. Still, stand on one and you’ll find out just how uninterested it isn’t.
Dinghy panic as we spot a banded sea krait slither under the boats when coming ashore. - Indonesia
But complacency is dangerous. In Suriname we did a night walk through the rainforest and almost planted a foot on a Lancehead Viper. Unlike the timid sea krait, this snake doesn’t mince it’s bites. The locals don’t bother with names, they just call it “the one that kills you,” with more human deaths to its name than all the headline-grabbing cobras and mambas put together. Our guide promptly sushied it with a machete, and only then did we realise we were all wearing sandals, not boots. It’s all about appropriate footwear people.
Fortunately, that was the Amazon rainforest. Not exactly on most cruisers’ route, so unless you fancy jungle hikes in the dark, you probably don’t need to lose sleep over it.
The locals don’t bother with names, they just call it “the one that kills you,”
Ordinary Hazards in Exotic locations
Deadpool could shrug off gunshot wounds; I get taken down by an oyster shell. Clearly the X-Men won’t be calling on my services any time soon. But in the end, the sea isn’t the grim reaper everyone thinks it is. The real hazards are smaller, pettier, and far more mundane and you don’t need to be a superhero or a swashbuckling sailor to survive it. All you really need is common sense, a decent stick and suitable attire… though it obviously helps if you can also run faster than the bloke next to you when the slavering dogs turn up.
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